In December, the school will break for winter recess and our kids will enjoy an extended break to regroup.
Yes, the holidays can be hectic, but the break connected to the holidays can also be an opportunity. This is a great chance to catch up with your kids, without the daily hustle and bustle of running them around to school and afterschool activities. This is your chance to have that conversation about the first half of the school year and how your child did in their new grade level. This is the time to have an uninterrupted eye-to-eye discussion with your child about friend drama, pressures, and what you dealt with while growing up. It’s a chance to remind them that unconditionally, they can call you at any place at any hour in any dilemma and that without any judgement, you’ll come and get them. And it’s a time to pick their brain about why they don’t hang out with that life-long friend anymore. Or why their grades perhaps slipped in the first part of the school year. And why they no longer participate in that sport they grew up with. Or why their mood has shifted so much and they seem off.
All of these occurrences may just be happenstance. Or hormones. Or girlfriend/boyfriend drama. Or friendship circles changing. Or they may actually be clues that your child has something they are struggling with that they need to get off of their chest. Try not to assume. Instead, go right in for the direct conversation. Remember - it’s not the inquisition, it’s a conversation. And that conversation may be what they need right at that moment that prevents them from falling victim to small-town pitfalls, seen in in the movie “Shooting Heroin”.
We all get caught up in that hustle and bustle of life and lose sight of the time that we need to give our kids. I know – I have done it as a relatively new parent. We keep traveling through the ocean in a ship but we never take a moment to pause and determine if we are on the right course. Sometimes we need a “rudder tap” to get back on that course, and it begins with some humility. That means demonstrating to our kids in words or deed that we are human, we’ve made and continue to make mistakes, but as parents we are the constant in their world, even among the noise of friends, sports, and school.
I’ll challenge parents to do 2 things between now and when we all make that doomed New Year’s Resolution for 2020. First, take some time and watch the recent Current Drug Trends presentation on TV-35 Viebit on their website (www.cranfordnjtv35.com). Learn what we as police officers see and what your kids are or will be seeing. We are not immune to substance use disorder in our township, and we can’t ignore it or wish it away like some fad. When I give presentations about vaping, alcohol abuse, marijuana abuse and the opioid crisis and hear “In Cranford?!?” from attendees, I sometimes cringe. This means that there isn’t as open a dialogue happening with our youth that there could be. Your kids know what’s going on in their community and among their peer groups. My collegue Detective Nadia Jones says it at each middle school Project ALERT introduction. Your kids know what’s happening in the world of drugs and pressures as young as in 6th grade. Absent the parental conversation with you about what your expectations are as a family, they’ll make their own decisions about drugs, alcohol and pressures. They’ll default to those “learned behaviors” by those they admire, adults and peer groups alike.
The second challenge is to give your child the gift of time, beginning this winter break. Ask your child one out-of-character, non-typical question about drugs or alcohol. Ask them what they “think” about marijuana. Ask them what they would do if they were ever in a place where their friend overdosed on alcohol or drugs. And start at least 1 conversation per week with your kid about one of the facts you learned after viewing our Current Drug Trends presentation. Arm yourself with information, but let your children inquire “why” without judgment. If there’s one piece of feedback we as school resource officers take away from the kids we meet, it’s that our youth are much more perceptive of their surroundings, and they have a lot to say about their observations. Be that sounding board on the 5-minute ride to school. Create a new routine of discussion with your child. It’s never too late, and nothing is more important.
So as you struggle to figure out what to get your children for the holidays, rest assured that the most cost effective investment and life-changing experience this holiday is the gift of your time. You won’t be alone either – as I promise I’ll be giving that in my household too.