We need to start helping each other up from collapse.
Like many of my friends and neighbors, we have been glued to our radios, cell phones, and televisions absorbing reactions to the latest tragic events. It feels like there is something significant and dangerous happening every single day. The issues that led up to such a horrible event feel overwhelming and out of control. That feeling can lead to a desire for isolation. Isolation encourages loneliness and disconnection.
At times like this, we should remember why we live in this community. I believe there lies the answer to confronting and overcoming the cause of society's ills.
I’ve been alive long enough to know that disconnection can turn into rage. Rage can manifest itself in all kinds of ways. It could result in an angry message on social media, picking a fight with a spouse or children, yelling at a co-worker for making a minor mistake. The intellect tells us that reacting to angry impulses results in regret and frustration. It destroys relationships, separates families, scars your digital identity. This does not satisfy anyone’s emotional and spiritual being. What can you do with this overwhelming, emotional weight?
Punch a wall? Yell at the sky? Take a drink? What next?
There is a time and a place to channel anger into something productive. At times, anger can be a good thing. We can use it to motivate ourselves to make dramatic changes that didn't exist before. We can use it to identify issues in the environment around us. We can use it to engage strangers in a conversation to get their perspective. My anger is growing into an overwhelming need to be a part of something.
Where can I channel anger that won’t lead to more suffering? I started asking myself how can I use this momentum to be part of a solution.
I don’t have a definitive, scientifically proven, 100% guaranteed answer. But I have an idea.
Socially, people shy away from anger and teach others to avoid the feeling. That feeling can grow and take over a person’s entire personality without addressing why they feel angry. Overcoming the anger problem can start with empathy. The dictionary definition of empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Our social media environment is designed to embrace the sharing part without understanding.
Understanding is a very complex process. Ignoring or simplifying problems just allows them to fester and become destructive. For example, I was part of a generation that was taught that drugs and alcohol are bad, without context. We were taught one drink led to a lifetime of abuse, jail, and death. Simplifying the substance abuse problem in my youth turned me into an ignorant adult. Years later, I realized that substance abuse was happening all around me and I didn’t know it. Many acquaintances in my life had a functioning existence (paying bills, employed, families) with substance abuse playing a part in that routine. It's not a problem that occurs over a weekend. It's a behavior that is normalized with time. That behavior robs the user of their ability to make rational decisions, to maintain mature relationships, to participate in their community, to live a healthy life. People whom I witnessed as functioning with substance abuse were only destroying their lives in slow motion. Engaging in the occasional vise can be a harmless endeavor. Using substances to cope with daily activities is an entirely different issue.
Anger can manifest and grow in similar ways.
Answering the question of what to do about substance abuse is similar to answering the question of what to do with anger. In times of crisis, it’s part of human nature to discover quick fixes. Have an anger problem? Try meditating. Have a drinking problem? Try quitting. Engaging in harmful coping mechanisms doesn’t solve the underlying problem, either. Sure, punching a wall relieves pressure in the moment, but then my knuckles are swollen, my wall is broken, and I still haven’t addressed what made me punch the wall. Sure, drinking to socialize was fun in the moment, but then I said things I don’t remember, my head is pounding the next day, and I still don’t know how to make new friends without drinking. There is a root cause to the problems of substance abuse and anger. The hard truth is that the solutions are as individual as the user.
My idea = Community
A strong, positive community can make a significant difference in a person’s life. Our mission at the Municipal Alliance is to prevent children from engaging in substance use until they are of age. The reasoning for this tactic is simple. When children are at a developmental stage in their lives, they need to learn how to confront and process awkward situations, celebrate life's achievements, and maintain positive relationships. If alcohol is part of that process, they will be unable to accomplish these adult behaviors without it. Therefore, it’s important to teach our children healthy habits of communication and activity to take with them into adulthood. We achieve this as an active community, leading by example.
I feel we can identify and treat anger in the same way. Helping someone process their emotions will have a positive ripple effect not only in their life, but in the life of everyone around them. We can all take part in this idea. When you or someone you know is feeling angry, don't ignore it. Share with a trusted friend, vent to a neighbor, get some perspective. Expand your circle of friends. Attend a community event. Introduce yourself to neighbors that you don’t know very well. Talk about things that are on your mind. Things that you need to say. It's helpful to share with people in your community. Even when those feelings are absurd. Communities across this country need to listen and support each other rather than hide and ignore. Celebrating, grieving, and sharing as a community will only help us grow as human beings.
Genevieve Leonard - Member of the Cranford Municipal Alliance